just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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