a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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