And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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