Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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