so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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