she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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