I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
