Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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