Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
