i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
