i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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