you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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