We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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