speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
