I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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