There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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