I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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