I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
