this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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