Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
