you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
