i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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