Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
