new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
