blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
