I've blown a few things in my day
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
