I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
