I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
