it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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