I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize