i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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