Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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