Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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