i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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