so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
