He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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