lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
