I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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