Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
