I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
