I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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