Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
