duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
