we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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