i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
