since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
