just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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