Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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