I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
