We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
