Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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