He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
