I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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