Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
