I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
