nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
