I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
