I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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