so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i came on her dog
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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