i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
