Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
