Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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