i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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