Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
