Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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