Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
