hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my shit smells like andre
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
