batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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