I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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