if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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