Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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