Will you blow on my dice?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
