i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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