the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
