so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
