She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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