Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
