he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
