No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
