After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
