if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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