It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
