Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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