sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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