DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
