Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
