i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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