Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
