At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
