so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
