It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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